Two Year Anniversary!!!

One of my first memories with the girls!

I first arrived to Bolivia August 11^th 2009, exactly two years ago today!

I don’t remember much about my first day. It was such a blur. I do remember how happy I felt to finally be doing what had been tugging on my heart for so long. I thought of how privileged I felt to be here. I remember how disoriented I felt as I was shown around the place that would be my home for a year. A home that was THE home for so many little girls.

After a while I had been taken to rest. When I woke up the other volunteer (Jenna) that was going to serve with me had just arrived. We both started crying. We didn’t know if we were crying because; we were so exhausted our body didn’t know what to do, we were so happy to finally be there, to see a familiar face, to know that we were actually doing this, or if simply we just needed to let it out? All we knew was that there were a million emotions happening at once and we couldn’t contain them.

That whole year I experienced emotions that I had never before and I was stretched in ways I couldn't imagine. It hurt to grow but I know I needed it. Through my mistakes and through the pain I was able to experience joy like never before. It’s really hard to summarize that year.  

I made such amazing relationships with my co-volunteers. God put them in my life to be able to grow and have someone to lean on through those hard times. My soul needed them.

My support group my first year!

After a year I went home and wanted to show everyone how much I had “grown and changed”. All I managed to do was to slip right into my old self. I guess I had thought that I was going to be so different that anyone who saw me would say, “Wow she is a true missionary.”

The 2 months at home were awesome. As much as I loved it, I somehow knew that I still needed to come back to Bolivia. I knew my mission wasn’t over yet.

My first year anniversary!

I came back for a second year. Once again so grateful and honored to be able to go through this experience.

My first months were so hard. I felt I grew more in those two months than in the whole first year. As cool as it was to grow, it really hurt!

As I look back I can see how much God is guiding me. I can now for sure say that God exist. Not because I could prove His existence in a theological way, but simply because I can say I know Him. I know Him on a deeper level than before. I have seen His hand guiding me everywhere I go. I see Him in the faces I work with. Most of all I know He exist because He changed me. Yes I have changed. I am still not where I should be but I am slowly getting there. I know it’s impossible to change myself, but thanks to God he made me change all those impossible things about me.

My second year support group!

At times I laugh when I analyze my life. It still makes me laugh to see myself now. I can’t believe how much I love God and talk about Him any chance I get. I laugh because I used to make fun of people who were like that. God must have been laughing knowing that I would turn into a Jesus Freak! I try to remember this when teenagers roll their eyes at me when I tell them God loves them. I used to do the same and worse to my parents.

Now my time here is almost over. I have a few months before I go home. I will be so sad to leave all these wonderful people behind. I know there will be a lot of pain as I say goodbye to the girls that became MY girls. But like before I somehow know that my time here is over. It is time to turn to the next chapter of my life. Whatever that may be. I have no idea what I will do when I get home. I do know that I have to be home. I know my change will not be obvious but I feel the change deep inside of me. I pray that I don’t slip right back into my old self.

When I think back on all the things I have missed like the births of my nephews, baptisms, first communions, confirmations, first steps, and most importantly the little things that come from being there day to day. Yes I am sad to have missed that, but I have seen God has blessed me with making His love more present to me through others. For that I will forever be grateful.

My second year!

Now I think of the things that I will miss from here. There are so many to list but I will list a few. First and foremost my girls at the Hogar. I am sad to not be there for those little moments either. My heart splits in two. One for my life at home and one for the life here. I will miss working so closely with so many people that encourage my faith daily. I will miss all the kids here and my students. I already miss all my co-volunteers. Of course my Brother Bear! I will miss waking up every day knowing exactly what God’s will is and then doing it. I will miss the feeling I have after each day here. I will miss the strong relationships I have made here. I will miss feeling needed. I will definitely miss the randomness that comes from living here in Bolivia. Not to mention all the craziness. Believe it or not I will even miss some of the food. I will miss all the parties. I will for sure miss the hugs I get all day long. There is so much I will miss, but I trust that just as it was when I missed my family, that the next step in my life, God will fill me with blessings for the pain I feel of being away from these people that are now my family.

Today marks two years and all I could say is that time really does fly by. It seems like I blinked and they were over. I now hope that the next time I blink I am a much better person than I am now. Please keep me in your prayers. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

My Birthday!

Me at Illimani

I don’t even know where to begin this blog! I guess this is why I have to write more often. My apologies. It just gets too busy sometimes!Ok I will begin from a month ago.

Surprise

So on June 11^th most of the volunteers from the surrounding sites got together to bid farewell to two of out Salesian Volunteers, Michelle and Andrea. Michelle took advantage of this opportunity and turned it into a surprise b-day party for me also. She is so sneaky! She did this because she wasn’t going to be here for my b-day and it was exactly one month before my b-day. I had a lot of fun that day.

  The whole week that followed I spent it translating for doctors that came to Okinawa. That week was awesome because we got to see a lot of patients and they did amazing work. It was a long week and we were all exhausted but it was so rewarding.

The Internas and the Medical Volunteers

Yay for Friends

The week after that was the biggest celebration in Bolivia that is Corpus Christi. I took all my confirmation students (with their matching shirts) to Montero for the big celebration. I thought our kids were going to behave and be really good. Well for the most part my unrealistic dream came true. However some left and others were just apathetic to everything. I was happy because I got to see that some of the kids are on fire for God.

Susan, Me, and Michelle, and Marcos ofcourse

The next week our lovely little lamb Michelle left. She went back to San Francisco. I was really sad to see her go. At the same time I was happy for her because I know God has some big plans for her. Seeing her go was an eye opener because when one is here for a while, going home seems like a far away reality. Her leaving was a reminder to me that I really should treasure every day here and to know how much of a privilege it is to be here.

Then came July 4^th. While people at home were having family reunions and BBQ’s, Bolivia just thought it was a Monday. Thankfully the volunteers in Yapacani made a nice American lunch. We all got together there to celebrate. However it was interrupted by some tragic news and we had to leave.

That weekend the Sor’s, Susan and I left for vacations. We were traveling from Santa Cruz to La Paz.  It is a really long drive. I got really sick going to La Paz because of the altitude. Thankfully I got a little better after a nap.

My actual b-day was spent in Yanacachi, Los Yungas. It was a place so beautiful and serene that one would think it was a paradise on earth. I was so happy I got to have mass out in the middle of nowhere. That day a lady had died and so we went to go bury her. It was really sad to see how much pain is left behind after a death.

At the cementary

A nun that I really look up to is Sor Nora. She is like Mother Teresa. She is a sweet, compassionate, loving, caring, tender, and so much more nun. Yanacachi is where she was born and raised. It was so inspiring to meet her family and see where she came from. Now I know why she is so amazing.

Sor Martha and Sor Nora

Sor Nora and I walking to church 

Lake Titicaca

The rest of the days I spent in Copacabana. Which is where Lake Titicaca is. However I was altitude sick most of the time and couldn’t do much. It was still nice to see the beautiful lake, and get to see other parts of Bolivia.

The last day of vacations Kathleen arranged for us to have a retreat. It was on APARECIDA. Which is the Catholic Church’s document on what the mission for Latin America should be. It was really interesting to hear all that was said. Madre Anita also joined us. Madre Anita is another one of my role models. I really look up to her. She came with us back to Santa Cruz. It was nice to have that time with her and have those amazing conversations.

Now for some funny stories…..

I will begin with the ones from Sor Martha. If you remember some of my last blogs include her. She is the one that just one look at her, throws me into huge laughter. So from La Paz to Los Yungas her and I rode in the back of the truck. She decided to go in the back because she gets really nervous on those roads. The road is called “Death Road”. It was really scary but thankfully we had a great driver. Every time she would get scared she would start saying, “Maria Auxiladora…Maria Auxiladora…ect.” She would say Maria Auxiladora like a thousand times per minute.  I would laugh so hard every single time. I felt a little bad because I saw that she genuinely was scared. But that is exactly what made me laugh even more. To add to her distress I would say, “OMG! The road is so narrow and there is a huge bus headed our way.” She would pray even harder and louder. All you could hear was my cackle echoing the mountains.

Sor Martha and I in the back!

On our way to Yanacachi we had to pass by a really cold place called “La Cumbre”. In all honesty it was really cold. Let me remind you that we were in the back of the truck with no protection other than our jackets. Sor Martha was really cold. She was so cold she started shivering and huddled next to me. She made me laugh so hard when she said, “Ok this is it… I guess I had to die some day anyway… I never thought I was going to freeze to death… Well I lived a good life… I can’t complain… Please tell my loved one’s I will miss them… Lord in your hands I commend my spirit.”  I don’t even have to say how funny this was to me. I was laughing so hard my eyes were full of tears and I almost peed myself. To follow her joke I started quoting Titanic, “I will never let go Sor Martha, I will never let go.” The funny part was that she didn’t know that I was quoting Titanic, so she had no idea why I was saying that.

We arrived safely. She slept like never before. Then we went to a near by river. On our way we rode in the back again. This time there were a lot of people with us in the back so we had to ride standing up. There were a lot of branches. It was a road not traveled so much. In one of those Sor Martha had not seen that there was a branch about to hit her. So as it hit her she yelled out. The branch was thin but filled with thorns. One of the leaves hooked her and it scared her even more. She thought she was bleeding. Her face wasn’t even red. I am sure it really hurt but her face had no signs of what her pain indicated. She kept asking, “AM I BLEEDING? Can you see a scratch?” Every time I would respond with a sarcastic response.

My two favorite Sors

I have many more stories to share about Sor Martha. Needless to say it was an unforgettable experience. But I will share one more story. On one of our nights in Yanacachi, all of us went to pray the rosary around town. Then we sat by a shrine where there is a huge cross. It overlooked the nearing towns. It was a beautiful sight. As we were half-way through the rosary, Sor Martha starts screaming bloody murder and jumps down the steps and almost starts crying. Behind her a little tiny snake was crawling and wiggling really fast. All of us burst into laughter. She still felt the snake on her so she kept on moving her body in shivers every time she thought of the snake.

My last story…

So if you know me you know that I never drink Coffee. At the house we were staying at in Yanacachi they had coffee plants so they had coffee served every day. Everyone kept on raving on how good it was. It was natural pure coffee. On one of those days I finally decided to try it. I was a little disappointed because the lady served a mug and it wasn’t even full. So I served myself all of it. When I was done with it the lady asked where the coffee was, I told her I drank it. Her eyes got really wide and said, “that was 10 cups worth of coffee.” I guess the way homemade pure coffee is served you have to pour a little and then water it down. I guess everyone knew this but me. So needless to say I was going crazy on this coffee. I felt as if I had taken Heroin or something. The whole day I kept on running up and down the rocks and was eager to go get anything anyone needed. The Sor’s laughed at me the whole day. I don’t even know what time it was when I finally fell asleep. The next day I woke up sore from running up and down. I didn’t have coffee the rest of the time.  

Me going off to waste energy!

Photo Gallery

Lent is over! I have been trying to catch up on all my e-mails and everything else. Thank you for all of you who wrote me and sent things to me over snail mail.

The Okinawa Volunteers with Padre Miguel

We have a new volunteer in Okinawa. His name is Erick Large. His sister was a volunteer at this same site 10 years ago. He has been so fun to have around. The kids here love him and love all the male attention they don’t get from their own fathers.

I spend most of my time making fun of him and teasing him. To help him improve his Spanish, the Sisters decided to put him in a first grade class so he would learn faster. Of course this is another opportunity for me to humiliate him. He is 6’5 and looks so big compared to Bolivians but especially the first graders. He doesn’t seem to mind.

I have already played a lot of cruel jokes on him. I am so happy he is here because he reminds me a lot of my cousins. I seriously see him as a brother. We act like siblings too. It’s great to have him around because the kids love to be thrown in the air and he is the only one strong enough to do that.

A few weeks ago we said goodbye to Padre Miguel. He is a Maryknoll priest who has been here for 57 years. He is an awesome priest and inspires all the volunteers that have passed through here. He invited us over for a nice lunch and we had a lot of fun. He is respected and loved by everyone. It was such a blessing to have gotten the chance to get to know him.

Taking a walk

During lent the Internas, (boarding school girls) Sor Gladis, and the volunteers went to spend a day out in the campo. It was one of the funnest days in Bolivia. We all had a blast. We went out for a walk around the Campo, ate fruit fresh off the trees, played sports, and many other activities. It was so fun!

Michelle holding the piggies 

What melted all of our hearts was the fact that we had gone to one of the Interna’s house. They live in a mud shack and you could tell they are poor. However the mom had gotten up early to cook all morning to offer us lunch when we got there. She even killed some pigs. To eat pork here is a privilege. It meant a lot to see how giving this family was. Of course the volunteers were served the biggest plate and the best part of the pork. There was a lot of skin with hair still attached to it. I don’t really like pork and it had a lot of skin, but I knew that wasn’t the time or place to be picky. I ate it all and the lady looked really happy.

3 generations

We all were so intrigued with the little pigs running around. Our youngest and wildest interna is often teased with being a little piggy. She was taking a picture with one of the piggy’s and I jumped in the picture. I said to everyone that here were 3 generations of piggy’s, everyone laughed hysterically.

Dinner

This was really cool until they all fell on me!

Andrea showing off her cookie!

We have also had a blast going to the communities. I find it being my favorite part of the week. We get to play with all the kids and let them have a great time. Thanks to some awesome Canadian donors we were able to provide the kids with cookies, new soccer balls, and school materials. This is much needed and appreciated. The kids get a little crazy when the cookies come out and they all want to have a lot.

Love these kids!

Who wants a Soccer ball? Me, me, me!!!

Being Lazy

Girls against boys... Girls won! 

 And now a funny Story....


So Erick and I were out playing Football with the kids. There was poop everywhere. We would try to avoid it as much as we could. The kids loved learning a new sport. Erick was showing off his skills. He would throw the football on the floor and he would do a roll on the ground as he would pick it up. He was making all the kids laugh. One of those times he threw it and as he rolled half of his body landed on a huge patty of cow manure. As he got up all the kids started running away from him. They were screaming and laughing. I joined them in making fun of him. Later we helped him clean up. He rode in the back of the truck the rest of the way home

Making fun of Erik

On a much lighter note!

Since my last blogs have been a little “heavy hearted”, I have decided to make this one a much lighter read.

If you know anything about Bolivia it would be that nobody has heard of it or knows where it is. I think this is mainly because of Bolivia’s inconsistency and lack of commitment. Well I won’t get into all of that, but it is very important to note, that you just never know what might happen here.

The other day I was traveling from Santa Cruz to Montero. An hour’s drive. I was on my way back to Okinawa and Montero is the town in between. We were a couple miles away from reaching Montero when our car was forced to stop by the pile of cars that had accumulated from jammed traffic. There was a huge smoke a few miles in front of us. Nobody even second-guessed it, “a blockade.”

Almost instinctively I got out of the car and started walking. I knew that no matter how long the walk was, it would be faster than waiting for the blockade to end. So there I am walking in between many angry drivers.

I noticed a lady dragging along a chest cooler by herself. She would get a couple of steps and stop. I knew I had to help her. I regretted my heroic/Mother Teresa act, as soon as I picked up the chest cooler. So there I am walking 2 miles with a huge, heavy, and uncomfortable chest cooler, with a random lady. I had a smirk on my face because I thought of how normal this seemed to me.

All of the sudden two camera men come running towards us and shove a microphone in my face and begin saying, “Is this uncomfortable for you? Would you say that blockades are an inconvenience?” I was a little shocked not because of the questions but because the guy asking them was laughing while he asked them. I answered them by saying, “yes very uncomfortable.”

The lady pulled me to the side so they would leave us alone and it worked. I was still laughing at the whole situation. We finally arrived at the destination and saw the blockade first hand. They had at least 14 tires that were on fire. Placed in an order so no car could get through. I continued on my way and thanked God for letting me arrive safely.

Another story I found funny happened last week. I was wearing my teacher shirt that says SFX that looks like it says SEX. I was walking around in the market in Montero. I was browsing when I hear two 20 year old girls looking at me and saying, “You tell her….. No you ask her.” They went like back and forth like this until I moved closer asked what they needed. The older one asked, “Can you help me with my English homework?” I asked the girl how she knew I could help her with her English homework? I thought that I blended in with the Bolivians pretty well. She pointed to my shirt and said she graduated from there. For a moment I thought she would say oh I just knew you weren’t from around here. LOL! So there I am doing English homework, in the middle of a busy market where people as well as stray dogs bump into you as they go by. I couldn’t help but laugh at the situation and myself.

For you to understand my next story I have to tell you some background info on the nun I will be talking about. Ok so Sor Martha is a nun that makes me laugh so hard every interaction we have. It doesn’t matter what my day has been like I know if I see her I will have a belly laugh.

Sor Martha is extremely jumpy and she calls herself “neurotic.” That and my personality mixed, breeds lots of laughter on my end and lots of pain on her end. She always has a face that looks like she is very concentrated or mad. Her face expression alone makes me laugh. Without any effort whatsoever she gets scared and frazzled. With that being said I move on to my story.

Michelle, Susan, and I were having lunch. Michelle was in mid sentence when she said, “…is that a rat hanging of that hose?” We all looked over and it was. There was literally a huge rat hunched over a hose leading from the roof of one building to the other. I thought it was hilarious. Michelle’s idea on how that could happen made me laugh even more. She said, “Maybe the rat was running on the hose when it got a heart attack and slipped and died there.” LOL! Oh Michelle!

I remembered that Sor Martha had said she was terrified of rats. So the little dark light bulb went off inside of me, I jumped up left my food and immediately went to get Sor Martha. I discreetly brought her right under the rat (that stood a couple of feet above our head) and then told her to look up. She started screaming and looked like she was about to vomit. I lost all my strength and fell to the floor laughing. I don’t know how many rosaries I will have to pray to repair the damage of that event, but I can almost say it was worth it.

A week later I saw Sor Martha cleaning and she looked extra “neurotic” than usual. I thought it was maybe because she needed help. So I offered my help. When I saw what she was cleaning I quickly learned why. We were cleaning a dark closet with lots of spider webs and it looked like a breeding ground for rats. She was moving things with so much fear. I could tell she felt a rat was going to come running out of everything she touched. She was paranoid of every little sound and couldn’t even concentrate on any dialogue.

I waited for the perfect opportunity. As she went to move a nasty cardboard box, I yelled at the top of my lungs. She kicked the box as a reflex and jumped up on a chair next to it. I immediately melted on the floor with laughter. She didn’t need my help to clean after that. 

Poverty!

I would first like to apologize for not having any pictures to share, but I lost my camera with my 16 GB memory card in it. So there goes that.

It has been a lot easier than I thought it was going to be, to leave the Internet. Not because I am not curious or interested in knowing how everyone is doing; but because of all the other things I could accomplish. I didn’t realize how much time it took away from me. I am so happy I did it. Since Ash Wednesday I have finished 3 books.

It is safe to say that C.S. Lewis is my favorite author. I have finished A Grief Observed and The Great Divorce. I also finished The Fulfillment of All Desire. I strongly recommend these books to everyone. I loved them.

All this reading, writing, and soul searching are exactly what I needed. I can feel how much I needed this. Plus 3 days before lent we have to lock ourselves in our places because going outside is too dangerous. Kids play with paint and water. I know that sounds fun, but they also get really nasty and throw balloons filled with urine, bleach, gasoline, oil, mud, dirty water, and many other foul things. So staying inside is always safer.

It was also a nice time to reflect on some of the emotions and events that we are exposed to every day. For example one of the days Sor Nora asked the volunteers to help move some beds into a place where two girls were going to move into. We were excited. It was at night that we did all of this. The two girls showed up excited and nervous. They helped us load some stuff. It was so dark I could only see their eyes and smile.

We got to their new place, which is 4 blocks away from the school. I was shocked. It was literally a shack. It was made of dirt bricks and straw roof. They were going to be moving into a better place. It made me wonder what conditions they were living under before. They were so happy and grateful that I was deeply humbled. They had no electricity and their room was also the kitchen that was shared by chickens. The floor was just dirt. If Sor Nora had not taken beds for them they would have slept on the floor with no sheets or blankets.

Their grandma slept in another room with her two sons. She did not have a bed so she did sleep on the floor. I felt so bad because I knew rainy season was going to come very soon, and having a straw roof is almost the same thing as having no roof at all. Sor had also taken the girls dinner. Who knows how long those girls had gone without a meal.

Those girls were coming from the “Campo” and lacked education. The 13 year old was in fourth grade. She had to walk two hours to and from school every day. The 8 year old was in first grade. Their two younger brothers who were going to be also living with them in the same room had never been to school. Sor Nora convinced the mom to send them to their grandma so they could have an education.

I know that the road away from poverty is through education, but when you see it with your own eyes, let me just say it adds more passion to what we do. My mind and eyes began to be open to see the poverty all around me. It just takes one stroll down the streets of the “Barrio” to see why Bolivia is the poorest country in South America. You don’t even need to go out into the communities.

I came home that night to my very nice room and could not sleep, knowing how blind I had been to all of it before. I decided to also do something more drastic for lent. I decided to not spend a single cent of money on food during lent. I want to instead gather that money and give it to those who are starving. This is really hard for me. One because most of the food in Bolivia is unsatisfying and going to restaurants is both fun and pleasing. But I really want to do this and I wanted to share with all of you, incase any of you is moved to do the same.

Poverty is all around us all the time. Some not so extreme as the cases here, but it is still poverty. If you feel better donating your money to the people I serve than to anyone else then after Lent I will be more than happy to give you all the information.

If you do not feel comfortable giving money or can’t then I ask for you to pray for these people and if you can’t or don’t want to help, to at least not judge them. This for some people is harder than to give money. Whatever we give has to be with our hearts pure and praying that God takes care of the rest. Trust me He will.

We are all called in some way or another to give to the poor. Whether through service, prayer, or gift. Don’t let your own comfort and pride keep you from thinking of others who need you. If humans stop loving and caring for other humans what is next? 

Missionary Carmen!

Only a week has gone by since my last blog and I am already writing another one. I am so proud of myself. Usually it takes a lot of effort to write or find time to write. I wanted to do this so my blogs aren’t so long.

This week was crazy and busy like always. Monday and Tuesday were so busy I barely had time to eat. I am teaching a lot of classes and loving it. The kids are behaving more and more. At first I looked like Mussolini up there, but have started warming up to them little by little. The kids are so fun! Classes are always so interesting because there are lots of words they can’t pronounce and I almost explode into laughter. They look on their faces when they see me smile is priceless.

Working with the Internas (girls from the boarding school) is I would say one of my favorite things about being here. They all have bad home situations and are Hogar girls who just haven’t been rescued. I love working with them. They have so much hurt and pain and yet they have so much love to give. I love all their little drama too.

On Thursday Kathleen paid us another lovely visit. She came with a lady and 4 teenagers. These teenage girls were anything but ordinary. Since they were 11 they had been raising money for a baby orphanage (Hogar Fatima) here in Bolivia. They raised over 30,000 dollars. I was so impressed by these girls. Most teenagers at home just worry about their new gadgets and clothes and forget to look outside themselves. These girls are an inspiration to many others.

The lady that accompanied them was a Salesian volunteer 14 years ago. Hearing her stories and experiences, was also very inspiring. She was also the mother of 3 of the girls. She volunteered for two years at Hogar Fatima. She was 24 and single at the time. She fell in love with one of the babies there and adopted her. Yes this lady is AMAZING! The girl she adopted (I am not sharing names to respect their privacy) is now 16. It is so cool to see what a difference adoption does for a kid.

Anyone who has worked at any orphanage has in some way or another wanted to adopt or kidnap some of the kids we work with. This lady actually did what most of us dream of. I often wonder how these kids might be and to actually see the impact it has on them many years later is so rewarding. Because I have actually seen the other side of the issue.

Being here for 2 years makes you in a way “jaded”. You tend to just mold yourself to life here. You tend to forget what reality looks like. It’s until someone comes with fresh eyes that you become aware of the poverty and situation we live in. I constantly have to remind myself to see the world I am living in, with my heart. At times I can get so wrapped up in the culture and myself and tend to respond just like another Bolivian. I tend to forget that pain and suffering should not be part of someone’s daily life. I forget this because here it seems that everyone lacks love and happiness all the time. I thought last year I saw this so much because I lived in an orphanage. Now that I am out with “civilization” I can see this is the case for many people here.

I want to share with you some stories that are so common and often go unspoken. Yesterday during recess one girl came up to me. She asked me if I could give her some advice. I said of course. I was a little surprised because like I said before I look like a roaring lion in my classes. I was so moved that even though I looked so mean and horrible she approached me. As soon as I asked her how she was doing she began to cry. I had never seen this girl before in my life, yet she was so desperate to be heard and listened too, she needed someone to talk to.

She told me about her home life and how much she hated living there. After hearing all that went on in her home I began to see why she hated it so much. Her tears didn’t stop until the class was over. Recess ended and I told her to meet me after class. We talked for a longer time and I could see how much this girl just needed love and attention.

Then the day before one of the Internas got into a verbal fight with a girl and she was crying in her bed inconsolably. This is her first year at this school. She came here to change. She said she really wanted to make her mom proud of her. Her mom lives in another country and her dad has a new wife and family. She related the pain of not being accepted by this girl to the rejection she felt with her own parents.

Talking to the Sisters here, they talk about every student in a very personal matter. They know where every student lives and know their home situations. They tell me that almost every student has a horrible home life. No wonder school is not a priority! How do you show a student who is hit and degraded on a daily basis to memorize the ABC’s in English?

As missionaries what we all share as a common factor is that we have constant opportunities to be the superhero. We live in a constant life of need and we are needed beyond our capacities. I think I take this for granted. One day will come when my day will be meaningless and I will remember how much meaning a day holds here. So much happens that I think for our body to survive it suppresses or denies all the emotions. If the body processed everything that happens and stops there I would sink in a huge depression and despair. I feel like I live moment-to-moment and I just leave the rest up to God. I try to do His will in everything and I know He is the only one that could truly heal all the wounds.

There are days where I get so homesick it hurts. Being away from everything that is familiar and comfortable is challenging. But if going through this helps me to relate to one of these little ones, then I will suffer whatever comes my way. I miss my nieces and nephews so much! But I try and give that love to my students. I miss my siblings more than they will ever know, but I use the advice and love they gave me to be an older sister for those who need it most.

I am so lucky to be able to be here and share this experience with all of you. Thank you for always supporting me and reading about my journey. By you reading their pain and suffering is not meaningless. Through all the people I meet God is transforming me into a new creation.  I could not be where I am today if every single one of you hadn’t contributed to making up who I am today. Thank you!

Teacher Carmen!

Wow! Where do I even begin? Ok so I am now in Okinawa. I have just moved into my “official” room. I will be living by the parish by myself. My two fellow site partners (Michelle and Susan) will be living in the volunteer house, a block away. I feel so lucky to have a community again! I am so lucky I live and work with two people who share the same values and outlook on life. That is a big part of mission work.

Me, Michelle, and Susan

Here are some of my responsibilities: 

Teaching at the Japanese school (12 classes, 1^st through 8^th grade).

Teaching at the Bolivian school (20 classes, 9^th through 12^th grade).

Watching the girls from the boarding school (making sure they do their homework).

Visiting communities (Going out the rural areas that are extremely poor, this is by far my favorite part of my duties here).

Teaching Catechism (At the home parish and in the communities on weekends).

Driving the Sisters (Driving to and from the communities and anywhere else they want and need me to go).

Washing the truck (Self explanatory).

Translating letters for sponsors (this feels like counting sand).

Doing random things all day.

As you can see I will be really busy. Yet I am so happy to be here. Classes have started already. Everything is still chaotic and badly organized. At least at the Bolivian School. The Bolivian school is called San Francisco Xavier (SFX). The shirts we wear are white polo’s with the initials SFX in the front. It looks like they say SEX because of how the F is written. I still have to look twice every time I see it.

The first day of classes was just celebrations and singing of all different kinds of Anthems. First they sing the National Anthem, then the one for the school. The rest I don’t remember. They have one for everything; teachers, parents, students, and many more. All of the kids know them by heart.

Going between the Japanese school and Bolivian school is like going from night to day. At the Bolivian school the kids are more savage and barbaric. There seems to be a common understanding, and that is to disobey and create chaos. I am currently teaching the high school in English. I have to go in the classroom looking like King Kong for the kids to somewhat behave. I feel so blessed to have the language and so I can be respected somewhat more than others. I haven’t plucked my eyebrows so I can look scarier, but I think I just succeed in looking uglier. I usually feel like the principle from the movie “Matilda.” I wish I would be the cute little teacher that just warms your heart, but if I act like that the kids will eat me alive.

The Japanese school is another story. There I am a teacher’s assistant. So the real teacher takes care of all the real stuff and I just help out. The classes are filled with ten or less well behaved students. They all do their work and are a teachers dream. They do as their told and are very bright. The little kids are so cute and melt my heart.

The volunteers are also in charge of watching the girls from the boarding school at night. There are 13 of them and they behave pretty well. It is really nice to be with them because they kind of remind me of the girls from the Hogar.

Our girls performing at Hogar Don Bosco 

The day before school started was the feast day of Saint Don Bosco. There are tons of Salesians here in Bolivia so this is a big celebration. In Santa Cruz (the state I live in) there are tons of Orphanages within an hour’s drive. Once a year they all get together for the feast of Don Bosco. The kids dance and sing in front of all the other kids. There are over 3,000 kids in attendance. It is both heart breaking and moving to see this. I love going to these reunions because my priorities are quickly put back into order. I also love going because our girls always put on a dance that they had been working so hard on. The dance is usually inappropriate but I support them nonetheless. Seeing their faces light up when they dance is priceless. Seeing all those broken families makes me be thankful for mine. Seeing the smiles on the kids who have lost everything and yet they feel they have everything; is so humbling.

All the volunteers at the retreat:
Left to Right
Mary Pat, Johanna, Andrea, Me, Monica, Marcos, Amber, Nicolas
Bottom Left to Right
Susan, Angela, Michelle and Melia

The first week of school was so irregular and crazy, that we were able to take a trip to Cochabamba. All the SLM volunteers from Bolivia got together for a retreat. It was so nice we were able to go. This was the first time I had seen this done. The retreat was awesome! We stayed in a very nice place and Amber and Mary Pat did awesome with the preparations for food and accommodations. I couldn’t believe how well organized it was. The food was delicious. I had gotten sick while I was there so I missed out on a lot, but I was able to be there for the most important talks. The retreat was much needed for me. Some really good reflective questions were brought up. It was nice to have the retreat between my transitions of sites. It was also great to be in the presence of so many great people.

During the retreat I got to speak to my Brother Bear, which was another highlight. I had been yearning for a talk like the one we had, and it was awesome. I will be farther away from him now but I hope we still can see each other often.

This week we had a visit from a past volunteer from Okinawa; Kathleen Curran. Kathleen is amazing! She is like Oprah. She runs a house for girls who don’t have the means to go to college and she pays for everything. She supports them financially and emotionally. It is so great to see the work she is doing. She also helps other kids achieve their dreams of going to college, but can’t afford it. She is literally making a difference in the world.

Kathleen was a volunteer here in Okinawa 10 years ago. She had not been to the volunteer house in a long time. Seeing her reaction as she went in to a place she called home for 3 ½ years was priceless. Her expression was that of someone who visits the house they had in their childhood, and memories and emotions come up with every part of the house. We had dinner and talked forever. It is so amazing to see someone who does so much for the good of humanity.

Overall I love it here. I can tell God definitely wanted me here in the first place, but had to learn some lessons in another place. I feel right at home here. Although I still struggle with my emotions when I go to the Hogar, I have a sense of peace in knowing that I am exactly where I need to be.

Being here has also given me a new respect for teachers and the education system. I will go more into that later. But for now just thank God for living or being part of a country that is 1^st world.

Now for some funny stories:

As you know I live with Susan and Michelle. They are both very sweet and gullible. If you know anything about me is that I prey on people like that. It’s like I have my very own entertainment source, where the entertainment never ends. I am constantly scaring and teasing them. My favorite happened two nights ago. Susan said she felt air in her ear. So I did the most logical thing I knew for that. “El Cono!” Yes I know my family is cracking up right now. El cono is a home remedy that my mom used on us growing up. What it basically consists of is, making a newspaper in the shape of a cone and putting it in the ear. Then you do the most practical thing, and light it on fire. I still can’t believe Susan let me do it. Two cones and 50 matches later, she still felt the same. You can take the girl away from her Mexican customs but can’t take the Mexican customs away from the girl.

Another favorite of mine is one that happened to Michelle. If you don’t know Michelle she is… well… really hard to describe. In short I love her and if she is around there is no need for television. Talking to her is like someone changing the channels mid-sentence. She is always so filled with energy and craziness. We were standing outside the volunteer house when her face turned very serious and she quickly runs to the sink and swings her leg up. Fire ants were all over her feet and were crawling up her legs. She kept making the funniest noises and saying the funniest things that I melted into laughter. I knew it wasn’t the moment to laugh because she was in real pain, but my laughter turned into a compulsion. When the ants started getting higher and higher she quickly ran to the shower.  I of course followed with a parade of laughter. Her skirt was flying everywhere and she did what looked like a dance in the shower. She closed the door. When she came out I was still in a laughing euphoria. I can’t believe they have to put up with me a whole year.

Going to Okinawa!!!

Since last year I have wanted to go to Cochabamba. Cochabamba is a state in Bolivia but it is also a city.  The state and city are more indigenous than the state I live in, Santa Cruz. Santa Cruz is more “Americanized” than any other state in Bolivia. The different states here vary so much, that if you go from one state to another it’s like going from one country to another. I never had the chance to go to Cochabamba until this year. I commented to Ayko that I wanted to see Cochabamba and she made it happen. She sent her two daughters, Reina and Yuki, with me. They paid for everything. I still can’t get over their generosity. She informed me the day we were leaving so I didn’t have much time to prepare. Luckily my weeklong retreat started that day. I was free for a week!

As I was getting ready, a knock at my door came. Sor Maria brought Johanna (a co-volunteer to my house. As Johanna was walking in I informed Sor I was going to Cochabamba. She nodded and said it was fine. Johanna was so nice and had brought me food. She brought all sorts of goodies. We hung out for a bit and had some great conversations. She went back with me to Yapacani and met my second family.

On the way to Cochabamba I slept like never before. Cochabamba is an 8-10 hour ride in a huge bus that looks like it will tilt over every speed bump. It usually travels all through the night so the passengers sleep the whole way and don’t freak out over the narrow roads and bad driving. We had to check into a hotel because the place we were going to be staying at (boarding school) was not open yet. We slept and headed out.

Reina and Yuki live in a boarding school. It is very common for parents to send their kids away after 8^th grade to boarding schools. This is done because the Japanese school only teaches 1^st-8^th grade. If they want their kids to have a good education they send their kids away because the Bolivian schools are not good. I thought leaving home at 18 was hard, imagine 13 or 14!

During the day Yuki and I went to go visit the other SLM volunteers (Angela and Monica) that work at an orphanage there. It was so nice to be with other volunteers and hear their stories and struggles. It’s nice to have a connection that most people don’t understand. After being there for a couple of hours I called Amber (another volunteer that I met 2 years ago) to tell her I was in Cochabamba.

Amber and Mary Pat work at another orphanage that is 1 hour away from the city, so I couldn’t go see them. Thankfully they came and we all met for dinner. Yuki, Reina, Amber, Angela, Monica, Mary Pat, and myself went to a really good Mexican restaurant. I ate 5 tacos! Dinner was so fun too. Mary Pat made us all laugh with her funny stories and one-of-a-kind personality. After we all went to ice-cream and walked around for a bit. We went to a dance studio where Amber takes a class. We had forgotten to take a group picture so we went to get it. One of Amber’s friends said a comment that made us laugh. She said, “You are all like a salad.” Meaning there was a little of everything.

The Salad

Cochabamba at my feet!

As we were walking back to get Micro’s for everyone to go home, a funny story happen. Thank you Angela for giving me permission to tell this story on my international blog. Amber and I were having a really nice deep conversation. Angela and Mary Pat were in front of us. There was a little downhill on the sidewalk and as Angela stepped on it she slid and fell. Her fall was in slow motion and she put her arm up as she was falling, so it looked like a very graceful ballerina falling. She burst into laughter and everyone else kept going like it was nothing. I was holding in my laughter because I didn’t want to be a jerk and laugh at her. I tried to keep talking normally like everyone else was, but I couldn’t. I started cracking up! (I am still giggling as I type.) Angela laughed along with me, which helped me not feel so bad for laughing. I guess it’s one of those stories “you had to be there for.”

I went back to the boarding school with Yuki and Reina. They were so impressed with the volunteers. They loved meeting them. We talked about them for a while then we went to bed.

The next day we went to “El Cristo.” It is a very famous statue known all over the world. It is the biggest statue of Jesus Christ in the world. It sits on a high mountain in the middle of the city. It is a beautiful place to go. Most people went up the stairs. We were too pretty for that, so we took the lift. It’s very similar to a ski lift but it’s all enclosed. You can see the whole city going up.  We took pics and stayed at the “Cristo” for a while, and then we went back. We came back to Santa Cruz that same night.

In the lift

El Cristo

The day we got here I call it my “dark day.” All I did that day was watch movies and eat. I saw the movie “Colored Girls” and felt so inspired to write poetry. I wrote so much and cried and was so depressed. I know I am depressed when I start writing poetry. I felt all I needed was a cigarette in my hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other to fit the role. I didn’t even shower that day.

I wanted to do the same thing the following day, but thanks to another movie I saw I got the courage to get out and go to the Hogar. The movie was about an orphanage in Korea. The whole story is very similar to the stories at the Hogar. That helped me to think outside myself and empathize with the girls. Plus I needed to get out before I began to dress in black with all my hair in my face.

I got to the Hogar and had an amazing, wonderful, and inspiring conversation with Madre Anita. That was enough to bring my spirits up. I also got to see “My Little One” Choca! She had been away on vacation and I hadn’t seen her in over a month. God speaks to me so much through her and He did it again that whole weekend. She said the most beautiful things to me and seeing her change from when I first got there to now, fills my heart with joy. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for her.

Sunday came and I had to get back to San Juan. Like I have said before leaving the Hogar is always really hard. But when you have a girl that is 15 begging you not to leave as if she were 5, leaving is almost impossible. Kathleen Curran (a former volunteer) had arrived at the Hogar just as I was about to leave. She talked to me about going to Okinawa and how great I would be there. I knew I would love to serve in Okinawa but I felt God was calling me to San Juan and I was willing to stick it out no matter what.

On the hour-long Truffi ride to San Juan I had a feeling of doubt that I hadn’t felt before. I started to feel that maybe it wasn’t God’s Will for me to stay in San Juan. I asked God to give me a really clear sign so I would know if this is where I should be all year.

When I went to Sor Maria’s house I got my answer. I will not go into details to respect her privacy, but in short she said it wasn’t going to work out for me to stay in San Juan. That was the answer I had been waiting for. I am so glad she was the one to say it because I would of never left, no matter how bad it got. It was a very clear sign and I felt so much joy and peace about it.

The next morning I went straight to Okinawa to share the good news to all. Sor Nora is the director in Okinawa. She told me she had been praying for me so much so I would go to Okinawa because they needed another volunteer there. Everyone was so happy to hear that I would be going there. Sor Nora basically said that all I needed to do was get in touch with Michelle and Susan (the other two volunteers from Okinawa) and make up a schedule to give to the Sor’s.

Michelle arrived from the States the next day. She was leaving to Sucre the following day. I was so lucky I got to talk to her. She was also so happy to hear I was going. We had some really great conversations and laughs. I am so sure I will have an awesome year with her and Susan.

Overall these weeks have been filled with so much emotion. The greatest lesson I learned was that God does answer prayers. I always know that, but sometimes I don’t believe it. This was His way of proving to me He listens.

I cannot wait to start my new site with a whole new community. I am a little sad to leave the relationships I have made here in San Juan. Ayko and her family will always be so dear to my heart. Sor Maria I will always be very fond of. I have learned so much from her, and thanks to her I grew in my own spiritual life.

Now for some funny stories! The first one is a little embarrassing for me to tell. I will just come straight out and say it. I HAVE LICE! Working at the Hogar last year, lice, were not a big deal. However for the rest of the world it is. I know 90-95% of the girls at the Hogar have lice. They scratching their heads all the time constantly reminds me. I try not to get too paranoid. I let them lay their heads on my shoulders and put their faces next to mine. I knew the instant I got lice. We were in Mass and a little girl was asleep on my shoulders. I literally felt the lice crawl into my head. I wanted to wake her up and put her down, but she looked so precious when she was sleeping. Plus the sermon was about loving others as Jesus loved us. I know Jesus wouldn’t love me less if I had lice. However some of my relatives would! I came home took a shower and spent more than an hour getting lice out of my hair. I stopped when I made my scalp bleed from so much brushing.

The other story happened a few hours ago. I have been in my bathrobe all day being lazy eating mango’s all day. The older man that lives next door called me outside to plant a tree with him. He told me to get my camera. I wasn’t quite sure what was happening but I just did as he said. Then he told me we were going to plant this tree together and in 20 years from now it will still be there as a reminder of my presence here. It was very endearing but I was in my bathrobe!!! I was taking pictures and planting a tree in my bathrobe! Robes are comfortable indoors but not outdoors. As I was holding the shovel my robe kept flying up because of the wind. The knot I made kept coming loose and I had to stop and make sure nothing could be seen. The older man just kept staring and asking why I was having such a hard time digging? I told him I had never planted a tree before. His eyes watered. I could tell he really wanted this to be a sentimental moment for both of us, but all I could think about is, “why didn’t I put a bra on?” At the end he asked me why I was wearing a dress? I just said, “For this special occasion.” His eyes watered again. I just came in and put a bra on. I am really going to miss living here!

Helping with planting the tree

AAAAAnnnnnd this is me planting the tree!