Two Year Anniversary!!!

One of my first memories with the girls!

I first arrived to Bolivia August 11^th 2009, exactly two years ago today!

I don’t remember much about my first day. It was such a blur. I do remember how happy I felt to finally be doing what had been tugging on my heart for so long. I thought of how privileged I felt to be here. I remember how disoriented I felt as I was shown around the place that would be my home for a year. A home that was THE home for so many little girls.

After a while I had been taken to rest. When I woke up the other volunteer (Jenna) that was going to serve with me had just arrived. We both started crying. We didn’t know if we were crying because; we were so exhausted our body didn’t know what to do, we were so happy to finally be there, to see a familiar face, to know that we were actually doing this, or if simply we just needed to let it out? All we knew was that there were a million emotions happening at once and we couldn’t contain them.

That whole year I experienced emotions that I had never before and I was stretched in ways I couldn't imagine. It hurt to grow but I know I needed it. Through my mistakes and through the pain I was able to experience joy like never before. It’s really hard to summarize that year.  

I made such amazing relationships with my co-volunteers. God put them in my life to be able to grow and have someone to lean on through those hard times. My soul needed them.

My support group my first year!

After a year I went home and wanted to show everyone how much I had “grown and changed”. All I managed to do was to slip right into my old self. I guess I had thought that I was going to be so different that anyone who saw me would say, “Wow she is a true missionary.”

The 2 months at home were awesome. As much as I loved it, I somehow knew that I still needed to come back to Bolivia. I knew my mission wasn’t over yet.

My first year anniversary!

I came back for a second year. Once again so grateful and honored to be able to go through this experience.

My first months were so hard. I felt I grew more in those two months than in the whole first year. As cool as it was to grow, it really hurt!

As I look back I can see how much God is guiding me. I can now for sure say that God exist. Not because I could prove His existence in a theological way, but simply because I can say I know Him. I know Him on a deeper level than before. I have seen His hand guiding me everywhere I go. I see Him in the faces I work with. Most of all I know He exist because He changed me. Yes I have changed. I am still not where I should be but I am slowly getting there. I know it’s impossible to change myself, but thanks to God he made me change all those impossible things about me.

My second year support group!

At times I laugh when I analyze my life. It still makes me laugh to see myself now. I can’t believe how much I love God and talk about Him any chance I get. I laugh because I used to make fun of people who were like that. God must have been laughing knowing that I would turn into a Jesus Freak! I try to remember this when teenagers roll their eyes at me when I tell them God loves them. I used to do the same and worse to my parents.

Now my time here is almost over. I have a few months before I go home. I will be so sad to leave all these wonderful people behind. I know there will be a lot of pain as I say goodbye to the girls that became MY girls. But like before I somehow know that my time here is over. It is time to turn to the next chapter of my life. Whatever that may be. I have no idea what I will do when I get home. I do know that I have to be home. I know my change will not be obvious but I feel the change deep inside of me. I pray that I don’t slip right back into my old self.

When I think back on all the things I have missed like the births of my nephews, baptisms, first communions, confirmations, first steps, and most importantly the little things that come from being there day to day. Yes I am sad to have missed that, but I have seen God has blessed me with making His love more present to me through others. For that I will forever be grateful.

My second year!

Now I think of the things that I will miss from here. There are so many to list but I will list a few. First and foremost my girls at the Hogar. I am sad to not be there for those little moments either. My heart splits in two. One for my life at home and one for the life here. I will miss working so closely with so many people that encourage my faith daily. I will miss all the kids here and my students. I already miss all my co-volunteers. Of course my Brother Bear! I will miss waking up every day knowing exactly what God’s will is and then doing it. I will miss the feeling I have after each day here. I will miss the strong relationships I have made here. I will miss feeling needed. I will definitely miss the randomness that comes from living here in Bolivia. Not to mention all the craziness. Believe it or not I will even miss some of the food. I will miss all the parties. I will for sure miss the hugs I get all day long. There is so much I will miss, but I trust that just as it was when I missed my family, that the next step in my life, God will fill me with blessings for the pain I feel of being away from these people that are now my family.

Today marks two years and all I could say is that time really does fly by. It seems like I blinked and they were over. I now hope that the next time I blink I am a much better person than I am now. Please keep me in your prayers. Thank you for joining me on this journey.